I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
