I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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