just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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