quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
