My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
