yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
