Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
