She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
