She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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