So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
