Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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