I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
