david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
