I've blown a few things in my day
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
