Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
