Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
