Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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