Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
