Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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