Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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