I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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