Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
