cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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