thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
