I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
