I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he shaved USA in his pubs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i've created a new STD.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
