I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
