I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
