Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
