i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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