one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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