You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
