i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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