The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
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You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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