Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
