the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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