We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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