dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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