If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
