I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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