New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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