I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
