i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
