I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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