so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
