hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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