My underwear smells like fireworks.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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