did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
