her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I cut my penus on the lid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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