I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
