I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize