After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
