I can tuck mytits in my pants
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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