Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
