btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just had sex bonerless
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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