His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
