You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
