I wannas sexs uuuuu
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
