you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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