I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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