Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
