Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
