i was born a porn star she said
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
