I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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