Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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