No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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