Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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