I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
