Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you had me at cake vodka
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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