Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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