i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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