the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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