he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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