It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
