So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize